valuing effort

Often I lay awake at night pondering the stigma around relationships and friendships. By this, I mean in a sense of effort. If we do not put in the effort then nothing will work in our favor but, if we put more effort in than others it can still end up hurting us more than them or vice versa. When we value our efforts we can stay motivated and become successful.

Effort can mean a lot of things, logically it means “a vigorous or determined attempt” but in a more psychological sense it can be considered a cognitive activity. According to Kahneman's theory, an effort is subjective, he means that effort as a cognitive process is objective but our emotions and feelings are subjective. Effort can be the attention to doing something to reach a goal or a point of success to improve a situation. We can often see actions of effort through relationships, friendships, and even making an effort for ourselves.

Every day I find myself having the same conversation with one particular friend in my life and it always goes like this:

Her: I am anxious…..

Me: why?

Her: I don't know I'm just stressed and overwhelmed.

*sits on the couch and sighs

Me: why don’t you make a schedule for yourself so you stay balanced?

Her: I don't know.

Now you see this is how the conversation goes most times. This goes to show that if you do not make time for yourself you will not get the results you wish to see. I think one of the most important things in life is to make an effort for ourselves. The truest form of self-care is to pick ourselves up after a bad day. The easiest way to solve a problem is to help ourselves. Sometimes, I think it is more than okay to be selfish if it will make us happy later in life. Making ourselves food, going to study hours, asking for help, and even seeing a therapist are all ways in which we can make an effort. Doing these things helps us create a healthy lifestyle and allows us to see a clear pattern rather than a chaotic one. When we create schedules or do things to support our emotions we will be stabilized. I mean it's always nice to feel content after a rough week, right?

To continue, one of the biggest statements I live by is, if your friendship is one-sided it will not work, and if they don’t put in the same amount of effort as you would for them then it is best to let that person go. As I stated early sometimes it is ok to let people go to allow yourself to grow. I think it can be really hard to distance yourself from people who were once very important. And even thinking about the act of “losing them” and not being in your life anymore can be uneasy. To be honest, I get it and do not blame you for feeling anxious. However, sometimes it is what we must do. As we get older we lose friends that are no longer good for us and replace them with people who are better for us. My best advice is that if this person is already distant, it most likely means that they are ready to do their own thing too. It is ok to be on different life paths and it is ok to be independent. In fact, it is extremely important to learn to be independent and be able to create a life for ourselves.

So, please remember that when once you begin to value your life and your happiness, it makes it much easier for you to value your efforts. Once you can accept this you will begin to see a change in the chaos. To grow is to let go, learn, live, and always be there for ourselves. We must always protect our emotions.